Outgrowing the Pain by Eliana Gil

Author:Eliana Gil [Gil, Eliana]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-42245-3
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2009-07-22T00:00:00+00:00

— c h a p t e r f i v e —

PATTERNS OF RELATING

TO THE WORLD

Caretaker/Rescuer

Some adults abused as children develop very effective caretaking skills. They see themselves as capable of unconditional love. Some join the helping professions and make excellent daycare workers, babysitters, workers in senior citizen homes, waitresses, doctors, nurses, social workers, therapists, etc. They give to others what they wish to receive themselves. They often set up an impossible situation however, by giving so well that no one could possibly return in kind. They burn themselves out, and sometimes end up resenting those to whom they are giving. Such behavior is often fuelled by the unconscious fantasy, “If I serve, I will get what I never had and always wanted”. Giving needs to be balanced with receiving.

The “caretaker” and “the rescuer” always find troubled people to help. Rescuers may do extreme things like letting people move into their homes without rent, and they may generally greatly inconvenience themselves. They give at their own expense. But they do not allow others to give to them. Rescuers may encourage dependency, while insisting that they want nothing in return. It often ends in resentment.

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